MINOR UPDATE: June 30th of Welcome America week here in Philadelphia, and I’ve spent much of the past ten days with Stephen Greenblatt’s The Swerve: How the World Became Modern. It’s a detective story that speaks to my soul, tracing out a vision of light and liberty feared and maligned, then almost miraculously unearthed and honored, a literal line of thought connecting Epicurus to Lucretius to Jefferson in Philadelphia, declaring the fundamental right to pursue happiness. I’m excited for this holiday, and I’ll be afoot and wandering much of the week, camera at the ready, listening to the tourists and trying to understand what it is they find here, and what they miss, and why.
Meanwhile, I put the Kindle version of Worthy of This Great City on sale, not quite free but $2.99. The link’s on the Home page, for those of you interested in rule of law and all that kind of stuff. The book is snarky and meant to be fun, a kind of romp about scandal and politics and the mob, but it does have pretentions to literary merit, it requires conscious reading, and it might even be dangerous. The Prologue is on the Excerpts page, so start there, but don’t make assumptions because things probably aren’t going the way you think.
From June 23rd: I wrote a good deal about the landing in Worthy, so when it turned summer, and I happened to have time, I went down to see all the changes that haven’t been made. Philly, you’ll get this.
It was sort of reassuring, that same old decrepitude, the general abandonment there under the beautiful blue arch of the Ben Franklin bridge by the dark, efficient Delaware: lackluster patrons at the kiddie rides or around the Seaport Museum, disintegrating concrete, a sense of emptiness. Everything exactly as I wrote it, and I wrote decrying the general corruption, inertia, and just extraordinary, even hilarious bad luck that’s kept this site an opportunity waiting for sensible hope.
The ships are anchored right where I left them, the Becuna lurking there in the shadow of the Olympia. The Columbus monument still towers over the waiting swan boats. The river stage is empty on a perfect Saturday afternoon, swathed in blue plastic, and most of the food booths are shuttered, too. This sameness was reassuring the way the sickness of nostalgia is comforting when it beckons to the past. Anyway I didn’t come for validation; I knew it was true the first time.
When I first wrote about the landing, I was interested in the morality behind the failure here, about the impulses pushing this city I love and how they shape its citizens as much as its infrastructure and commerce, its art and its intentions. I know we’re advancing on some fronts, but I also know cities die. Just trying to get through the day isn’t going to save anything.
It’s summer, and I want to hold onto the summer the way I want to hold onto this city, but the days go so fast when you get older, and it’ll be freezing cold tomorrow. Come on out and play with me. Let’s do something.
Yesterday I was in the city to see The Book of Mormon at the lovely old Academy of Music, using some extra time to snap photos along the Avenue of the Arts: the Walk of Fame, the Wilma and Merriam theaters, the Kimmel Center. It was a mood, delivered in large measure by participants from the pride parade, a sporadic rainbow, joyfully controlling their own narrative.
Now in The Book of Mormon there’s this matter of story-telling, myth, and whether it’s perfectly fine or even admirable to mix a little Star Trek or maybe a hobbit into the otherwise perfectly reasonable epic of Christ’s American stopover, just to help get the point across. Reminding my admittedly addled brain of some recent Internet rants against those entitled, interloper superfans who think they know what should have happened in the Star Wars movies and GoT, and are actually demanding rewrites. I mean, who do they think they are, anyway?
Now listen, I write with specific ends in mind, and they are not to be questioned. This is sacrosanct.
But at the same time, I have creeping, premonitory doubts about all this. Obviously, no one creates in a vacuum; communities do determine narratives, and there are plenty of national epics to prove the point. The input of the world is everything, only it hasn’t quite got it together yet, so we’re able to flatter our little egos.
This is where the Internet comes in. What it does is, it builds and gives voice to powerful communities, whether incel or #MeToo. The world, the society, is starting to speak.
So what happens to this concept of the individual? You remember, that other modern invention that thinks it has rights and can own intellectual property, all those barriers to communal will? That proud individual who, almost by definition, disowns the ignorant community?
And then there’s this whole notion of Art, you know. Does it ultimately belong to the people, and serve them, particularly when it hugely influences the zeitgeist? It’s all about that tired communitarian versus libertarian argument from philosophy and political science classes.
So who really owns the narrative? It’s clearly a collaborative dynamic. We can’t escape each other, but fortunately we don’t need to, because right this minute there’s room to expand and experiment with fan fiction or just fan complaint. We’ve managed to construct an entirely new dimension, one with ample room for leniency and even acknowledgement.
Anyway that communal voice is gaining strength, so best to start paying attention.
But still I insist the originals remain inviolate, especially mine, because they express evolved intentions born out of whatever mutual impulse it was that birthed them. Mine are copyright, all rights reserved.
(Faced with a blank screen but thinking very meta to avoid actually writing.)
You know how, when you’re doing something, and some guy comes and “helps” you by moving in on it and taking over? What’s that called? Mansumption?
I just learned that “drink the Kool-Aid” refers to the suicides at Jonestown. Here I always thought it had to do with the Grateful Dead Kool-Aid acid test, but Jonestown makes slightly more sense. Either way, it’s an expression I hear fairly often in the lawyer business, having to do with defending arguably disreputable clients. In my personal legal opinion, the more you understand the importance of Rule of Law, the less you feel the urge to imbibe.
The expression I’m most sick of at the moment is “open up about,” but putting on a burst of speed and coming up fast on the outside is “curated.” It’s ubiquitous but subtly, insidiously wrong; it grants a false legitimacy to the insignificant.
Also there’s this business of words versus sound, how audio books are as effective as text. Meanwhile we universally use our phones to convey words rather than actually speak. Is that about privacy? Words are all up in secrecy, which seems ironic for a means of communication. Do written words really count more than sound or video? They certainly seem inherently definitive, able to divide the then from the now, so we put the important things in writing. And words can damn sure hurt you. Or else save you: flip you from screw-up to victim with an offhand concept, for example.
But that’s trite. Moving on:
Tom Wolfe, in The Kingdom of Speech, considers Darwin and Chomsky to conclude that language is a mnemonic device, an appallingly simplistic identification. Language is an incredibly complex topic, and I’ve dipped into it enough to know how little I know. There’s so much more than language acquisition to consider, more even than pragmatics. Delve into the relationship between words and consciousness; take a look at Wittgenstein’s language games; explore both reflective and intentional theories of representation. Do it because it’s entrancing, transfiguring, and fun.
Here’s my truth: words are power. It’s not that we remember with them, it’s that we own them, we take control. Those are our ideas, baby, to do with what we will. To build: in the beginning was the Word. Or else to deconstruct, or to imagine, or to question, or to create tomorrow. And we can make new words! Think about that: it’s so enormous, it’s literally overwhelming.
And then there’s reading: acquiring the very best words in order to convey the most expansive universe of meaning, or perhaps to juggle them and wake up the world.
As for me, once I’m fully back from vacation (clearly not yet) I’ll be refining a short story based on my work-in-progress, Fairmount. And once I figure out what I’m missing, or not loving enough, or whatever it is that’s making me do a condensed excerpt, I need to get back to writing the book itself. Like Worthy, this next novel is a pyramid of concepts pretending to be simple, but in Fairmount they’re all about The Other, courtesy of an unusual asylum claim. I don’t yet know what will become of the short story, poor misbegotten orphan. One option is to send it out to some reputable publications, the other is to post it on my own website, and that idea has a certain indie righteousness about it. Meanwhile another patched-together story, comprising the end of the prologue and the full first chapter of Worthy of This Great City, remains up right below this post, and you can read the entire prologue on the Excerpts page.
So I’m taking the next few weeks off, be back in early May. Meanwhile I’ll be posting some excerpts from Worthy of This Great City. You can find the full Prologue on the Excerpts page, and the Amazon link on the Home page.
From the PROLOGUE
Now about what happened.
Understand the Philadelphia Folk Festival as a forthright exercise in Liberal musical theatre as much as a celebration of peoples and their endurance and joys. Taking place, as might be expected, in an aesthetically pure venue, typically under a blazing sun on drying August fields embraced by unremarkable trees, and always featuring lots of suburbanites absolutely behaving themselves.
When there came Ruth Askew, taking that venerable stage to address a staunchly progressive audience. Standing rigid there, thin and broad-shouldered, a pale, unfathomable giantess on twin Jumbotron screens.
That night was odd from the start. Behind the bright box of the stage those generic trees formed a black stockade against the encroaching universe, and these very brown clouds streamed past a cheddar yellow moon. An unforgivable coincidence, but it was literally like the sky was shitting.
I suspect Ruth walked out onto that stage in a rage of frustrated arrogance. For one endless minute she simply stood behind the microphone and stared out at us, the thousand dark humps under blankets, the bouncing neon glow sticks, the luminous haze at the line of food concessions, the smokers tapping off ash by the Porta Potties, and the awkward, restless shadows moving up and down the roped-off aisles or carefully stepping over the confusion of tarps and blankets.
Then she spat at us.
I lay in the shade with only my bare toes exposed to the vicious sun, part of a modest audience similarly disposed beneath the modest fringe of trees surrounding the field. Light fell down through the foliage: thick, somehow victorious beams that described powerful angles in their descent, creating the usual breathtaking green cathedral. Around me the grass was withered and compressed into a flattened mat over ground still saturated from the previous night’s thunderstorms; everything smelled of baking wet earth, sunscreen, and greasy event food. I don’t remember any intrusive insects or even visible birds except for a couple of extremely distant hawks, dull specks in the otherwise empty sky.
Another respectable scattering of spectators occupied the baking field, most sprawled directly in front of the small Camp Stage, true fans eagerly upright despite the merciless heat. So just as expected, one of those perfectly innocent afternoons you buy with the ticket, monotonous while deeply nourishing, readily absorbed through the whole skin like childhood summers.
I’m tempted to say there were witches afoot; three potent women, anyway, able to command natural forces, summoned by a highly demanding assembly of affluent suburbanites accustomed to directing fate. And while arguably they were all benevolent in so far as they were anything, with such powerful forces you never know how it’s going to turn out.
Every August for more than a decade I’ve headed out to Schwenksville for this dependable throwback party. And not precisely to enjoy the music, because although it receives my absolute respect I find it too intense for everyday entertainment. It’s a kind of church music, an unashamed church of humanity: pure sound, plaintive and honest, twanging and rambunctious, dulcimer gentle. Fitting, then, for this late-summer pagan rite in honor of righteousness, and I immerse myself in it to perform a spiritual cleansing of sorts, processing across the fields from one rustic venue to another, affirming a succession of bluegrass pickers and ballad wailers and theatrical tellers of old tales. And it’s a mildly uncomfortable ritual in another sense, but that’s because of the mostly undamaged people, the ones who wholeheartedly enjoy everything and applaud too often.
As with anything religious, there were incredibly subversive undercurrents longing to manifest, easy to exploit by those amazing women. Two of them performed that day, one with enough tragic skill and clarity to arouse huge amounts of self-loathing and subsequently resentment, at least in me. That’s who I am. The second inspired a joy vigorous enough to move the plot. And the third exerted an indirect but equally damning influence courtesy of her own celebrity, her mere idea inciting a shaming nostalgia; in truth it was dangerously stupid even to speak her name aloud. And all three came clad in absolute certainty.
The current festival setting, the Old Pool Farm, is perfectly suited to the occasion. There are wide fields to accommodate the generous crowds, a nicely crisp and sparkly creek, and the requisite gates and groves, all at a situation remote enough to evoke a wholly separate culture despite easy proximity to the city. Although that’s not difficult, because even today you only have to poke your nose outside the nearer suburbs to spot a rusty silo on some decrepit farm, with another of those filthy black-and-white, diarrhea-spewing dairy cows leaning against a sagging wire fence, its pelvis practically poking through its muddy hide. Peeling paint and hay bales directly across the road from another mushrooming pretentious development, a slum of dull, identical cheapjack townhouses. So despite the fervent country claptrap the festival is essentially a metropolitan scene, drawing a sophisticated crowd.
Murmurs of anticipation brought me up on my elbows to discover Hannah Lynch already onstage, a typically modest entrance. I sat up straight and paid attention, and caught sight of her inside an amiable circle of probable musicians, a glimpse of face and one thin shoulder between competent-looking backs in cowboy or cotton work shirts, all of them endlessly conversing there in surprisingly gentle voices.
Until finally they broke apart and here she came gliding toward the front of the tiny platform, moving within a reputation so illustrious it made her physical presence so unlikely I had to struggle for it. A tiny bird of a woman, an elderly, fragile sparrow with fine gray hair and hazel eyes and translucent skin, nodding to us and smiling nicely with small unremarkable teeth while seating herself on a wooden folding chair. She was dressed like good people, like a decent Christian farmwife in a faded print skirt and cotton blouse of mixed pastels, pink and beige and blue. Only with dangling silver jewelry to be noticed, since after all she was a major star.
With this one unshakable article of faith: that her famously quavering soprano was entirely unrelated to her own ordinary self, more of an imposition or a trust, an undeserved gift from God that in no way merited personal praise. So she has stated. And accordingly she, at least, exuded genuine empathy with all of us waiting out there for her, straining forward to better capture the spirit and stamina investing each word. A curve of laughter lit her face, and there was grief there too, but nothing to diminish that serene spirit.
Beside me Crystal, blatantly artificial trendoid in that audience of cosmopolitan pseudo-naturals, for once had the good sense to keep her mouth shut. Crystal, please note, was present only because she suspected this event mattered to me and meant to chain herself to it in my memory. She was an unashamed criminal, and I admired that about her.
Lynch sat there looking at us and hugging her guitar, once giving it a surreptitious pat like a favorite pet before launching into one of those unexpectedly piercing old songs, a rather shocking rush of raw bitterness and despair – nothing silvered there – railing rather than mourning yet cleanly tragic because without any confusion of entitlement or excuse, an expression of rightful fury to upend your sensibilities and make you cringe inside your pampered, complacent soul.
And onward, commanding that summer hour with a repertoire of futile longing, black misery, true love, outrageous injustice, and journeying away as only the truly dispossessed can journey. How inadequate we were by comparison, what undeserved good fortune to be sitting there vicariously sharing the infinite human endurance of those former generations, thus beatified for our enjoyment. Sharing a deep pride in our good taste and our faultless fundamental values.
And that’s how this festival always goes for me: a fusion of rapture and fleeting realization, of purging and rebirth, I suppose. We avid celebrants being served by true vicars, unassuming conduits of grace because essentially craftspeople evincing the unquestioning self-respect of their kind and therefore automatically accepting us as equals and worthy of their respect, refusing to cater. That’s how Lynch and her ilk deliver their deadly blows, how they incite our reckless, self-destructive impulses.
Because the problem is, nothing is enough or ever can be, not at this particular event with its impossible burden of triumphant civil rights baggage. A weight of expectation, purest gold and just as heavy, presses down on those fields like an approaching storm, flattening the grass, placing an unbearable strain on our moral muscles, making even the most authentic and engaged participant stagger for reasons most often never identified.
You see there’s no battle here anymore, not among this crowd, a situation as frustrating as it is pathetic. A decade past the mood was easier but less focused; I mean, what’s so pitiable as striving mightily to wage a war already won, or achieve a moral victory already popularly embraced? Acting like you’re on some lone and dangerous crusade instead of enjoying a mere reenactment, an amusement park ride. As if any real social hazard or physical extremity ever threatened most of these initiates. And now, well, obviously everyone’s hyperaware and insecure because everything that seemed impossible keeps happening. And so off to the phony frontlines, the ones with the costumes funny signs, and out to relax into this festival’s undeserved legacy, although what in the world ever sprang from this placid piece of Pennsylvania countryside anyway, or even its nearby metropolis, so far from the bloody scenes of decades past? What justifies this hallowed ambience? Everyone knows the real struggle was over in another state, in the deep South or New York or California, all that televised passion and pain.
Seriously, you have to consider this heritage of the sixties, that era of righteousness and innocence and victory, you have to ponder the connection to today’s violent last stand. Resurrect that intoxicating scent of possibility, and remember how strong it was, what it did. Watch any old news film and it’s literally like viewing creatures from another planet, those young people seem so alien with their strident, accusatory gestures and expressions, an entire new world in their wide open eyes.
Anyway, today’s Folk Fest is largely a masturbatory farce of self-congratulation, courtesy of this pushy, upscale audience basking in its accustomed sunshine, displaying that forceful amiability that means money while smiling too brightly over bare freckled shoulders. Uniformly pale people displaying their ease on this bucolic faux battlefield, all aggressively self-aware. And meanwhile a barely perceptible, slightly demented energy flutters along at grass level, an intrepid impulse bent on having a significant experience and more than a little desperate to measure up to itself.
I’m as progressive as anyone; I secretly gloat over my superiority, so for me all this underlying energy eventually manifests as low-grade irritation, and the fact that bad temper is implicitly verboten at this event only makes it that much worse. And then here comes Lynch to further emphasize everyone’s obvious unworthiness and what can you do but silently seethe with frustrated moral ambition. This is the one festival constant I always dismiss until it’s too late and I’m climbing aboard one of the yellow school buses that shuttle people in from the parking fields, all boisterous but balanced chatter. Probably a deliberate amnesia, because as I say, for me it’s a religious event.
So by later that Saturday afternoon I was largely disgusted with myself, and as you can imagine, wonderful company. Once again stretched out on my back but this time my whole body obstinately exposed to the brutal heat, and while I had a bucket hat shielding my face I’d raised my knees to better facilitate the fire penetrating my jeans. I reached my left hand out past the edge of Crystal’s spongy blue blanket, feeling for the heart of the earth deep underneath the dispirited vegetation, Edna Millay fashion.
There we greeted the second of the female forces controlling that day, and for an interlude of spontaneous revelry the whole disguised carnival dissolved, wiping away our precious fictions to reveal the one face behind the infinitely varied masks. Rather commonplace moments to underline the supertext, a brief but blessed release from introspective angst, an intoxicated dance that anyway began wholeheartedly but inevitably dwindled into posturing before ultimately discarding us back into isolated, shattered pieces of humanity scattered over a sunlit field.
We were in front of the main stage, the Martin Guitar Stage, a venue that backs into some tame leftover woods. The smaller Tank Stage was to my right, with behind it a private area for performers, and to my left the equally small Craft Stage. Further left was all the familiar festival retail, folkie variety, striped tents selling hippie throwback goods like handcrafted ceramics, carved wooden bowls, tie-dye skirts, hand-strung glass beads, and bad art. In between the main and Craft Stages a tiny dirt path paralleled a shallow creek of sparkling mica and soft mud; both disappeared into the dim coolness of the Dulcimer Grove, a rather precious habitat of jugglers and magicians and others of that Renaissance Faire ilk, a determinedly magical place more or less reserved to scantily clad or frankly naked children, their cheeks painted with stars and moons in indigo and crimson. Either they’re truly mesmerized by these archaic amusements or they’re convinced they should be by the adults and the daycare atmosphere, because they all sit there expending fierce concentration on colored sand and sparkly fairy dust, their little pink tongues extended in effort. I mean, all the world is fake, even the kids. Around them circles a protective hillside of slender trees roped together by string hammocks in bright primary colors, a haphazard effect of beggars’ rags pegged out to dry.
If you follow that same path straight on you come out on a field of more dry grass, more distant trees, and another vacant horizon. On the right is the Camp Stage, site of Lynch’s morning concert; on the left an unremarkable gate gives onto the campers’ settlement, one of those ephemeral constructions of funky tent-and-RV fantasies, castles and pyramids and suburban estates complete with lawn furniture and barbeques and anything else you need for rustic comfort. Notice how everyone’s personal effects are carefully positioned to define private family spaces but without absolutely excluding the requisite hobnobbing community, because that would repudiate the spirit of the thing. The affable professional performers come here after the regular shows to sit and indulge and play their music well into the summer nights, just for these special stalwarts.
And again, anywhere you care to look there are all these exceptionally pleasant people, a seasonal confluence of the enlightened: middle-aged, nattily-bearded men with thick hairy ankles showing beneath those long gauzy skirts; visibly well-educated younger couples falling all over each other in reassuring mutual recognition; friendly teens aglow with their own laudable social spirit or familiarity with meaningful music or both; and grimy toddlers in T-shirts and shimmering plastic haloes with their baby curls shining and their fingers to their mouths and their tiny feet covered with dirt. Skimpy tank tops and glittery backpacks, idiosyncratic witches cones and sombreros and straw cowboy hats covered in button collections, pale muscled calves and freckled backs red with sun and damp with perspiration.
All these regulation types navigate cordially across the fields, buying and eating and exercising their approval, until later in the afternoon when it’s all been done and seen and the heat is truly intolerable, and it’s a matter of claiming a place for the folding chairs and coolers and settling in for the afternoon concert. When for a couple of hours all these enervated devotees create for themselves an enormous patchwork quilt of blankets and tarps, an American prayer rug rolled out beneath the glare.
I among them, hiding under my hat, squinting up from under the brim, intending not so much to watch the performances as to absorb them from a neutral distance. Meanwhile I was relishing the sense of Crystal beside me, resentful at having to endure all this legitimate music.
When here came a second celebrated woman into this extraordinary and disorganized day, an ineffably cosmopolitan presence in a white silk shirt that billowed out over notably slim hips and tight black jeans tucked into cowboy boots. The costume only emphasized the unmistakable sophistication in the sharp angle of her jaw and the sleek black bob swinging at her shoulder. That taut body edged itself onto the stage and into our attention, anticipation suffusing her narrow face, her whole person radiating the intrinsically cool self-content of a magician about to pull off the big illusion and astonish us all.
Lifting fiddle and bow, lowering them to call a comment offstage, bringing them back up to her pointed chin experimentally while a guitarist, drummer, and another violinist fooled with getting into position, and around me an expectant rustle shook off the afternoon lethargy, and once again I sat up and wiped the sweaty sunscreen from my forehead.
She leaned forward a fraction to acknowledge us.
“Hello all you very special people.” Now decisively raising her instrument. “Three jigs.”
Well, you know that kind of tritely manipulative music, but then her exceptional skill, that energy climbing into a frenzy, the first notes reaching us with the adolescent enthusiasm of uncurling spring leaves. Music so familiar and yet astonishingly fresh, something behind the insistence of it transcending its own rather sentimental imagining. Passages as fleet but powerful as pure energy, and you’d actually have to defend against the physical impact but why would you bother to fight off such delirious joy?
They have a reserved seating section in front of the main stage, a modest pen containing rows of wooden folding chairs surrounded by a fence of deliberately rickety palings. It was largely unpopulated for the afternoon performance. A dirt lane about ten feet wide separated this area from the field of common folk. Crystal and I were up front, right near the dusty edge of this path, and close to us, in the lane itself and with one tiny hand firmly grasping the enclosure fence, stood a fairy-slim blonde girl of five or six. Just as I fully noticed her she launched into the familiar steps of an Irish jig, lifting first one exquisite bare foot and then the other into tentative arcs, curving each arm alternately above her head. From her shoulders a pastel summer dress floated out in the shape of a loose triangle, and her movements caused her hair to caress her perfect little back.
With the increasing confidence of the music her delicate feet, fragile pale-pink petals, rose and crossed each other in an assured sequence that bespoke formal lessons, and meanwhile her eyes never lifted from her toes and her pallid face was tense in concentration. Only once did she manage a quick glance up to a middle-aged scholarly type, probably her father, who nodded mild encouragement but displayed, I thought, some slight annoyance.
Now complex annotations around the tune turned tight elegant spirals; it was all self-interest now, you understand, nothing to do with us but instead its own internal voyage. In the path the child reworked her steps, her frown expressing frustration with her own limited expertise.
When suddenly appeared two barefoot, competent-looking women in their early thirties skipping down the lane, then widely twirling, then skipping again, their hands clasped and arms outstretched to form a traveling arrow. Both flaunting gauzy pastel skirts and silvery tank tops that exposed perspiring firm flesh, both draped with multiple glittering strands of Mardi Gras beads flashing purple and green and mauve. They acknowledged the blond child with an upward swing of their joined hands high over her head, a bridal arch speeding by on either side. It made her giggle but move closer to the fence.
The fiddler was bending practically in half over her bow and the second fiddler not being any slouch either, their hands and arms pushing toward the absolute limits of muscular possibility, straining against themselves to maintain their momentum.
Then four ethereally lithe teenage girls forming two pairs, and they were in regulation T-shirts and shorts except all bore silvery translucent wings that flapped at their slim shoulders; they went whirling around and around each other and simultaneously forward, delightful gyroscopes with their feet stomping hard on the infectious strain yet for all that maintaining the ludicrously disinterested expressions of runway models.
Promptly followed by a young couple charging along in an outright polka, aggressive but a tiny bit shamefaced, too: he was slim and wore a neatly-trimmed dark beard; she was sturdy and short with a pixie haircut and a refined air, like an educator. The little dancer flattened herself against the fence but continued a rhythmic bopping, presenting no less enchanting an image. And she was proved wise, because here came the same young couple back again, being the kind of people who need to underline the obvious. Passing midway an approaching male pair, seeming now a little more obliged than inspired, their muscular calves flashing below their khaki kilts: one was broad in the shoulders and chest with a thin ass and spindly legs; his partner was entirely slim, remarkably tall, and balding. Presenting the impression although little of the force of a strong wind, they nevertheless managed to turn the little dancer halfway round, her moist mouth open in wonder. She paused there, staring after them.
Now the dancing was everywhere. I stood up to confirm a modest sea of erratically bobbing heads at every side but especially to the right, past the Tank Stage: enlightened middlebrows and emotionally stranded hippies and likeable healthy teens and self-disciplined mandolin players and confident cultural elitists and miscellaneous commonsensical types engaged in a nearly impromptu production number, for one bright second emerged from behind the mask of individualism, openly expressing one joyously creative soul.
Well, we were dancing out in the field as well, all of us to some extent, the more exhibitionist characters gyrating on their bright blue tarps and lifting their hands in the air, and some efficient types illegally occupying the marked-off aisles, prancing with impudent liberty up and back. Patrons excessively enthusiastic or self-consciously hesitant but almost everyone involving themselves in the music. I was dancing too, not to make a spectacle of myself or anything but feeling myself a part of the gala. And about then I realized it was already ending because that’s how these things always go.
Frenzied vibrations, faster than you could believe, and we listeners attended first with our ears and then with our bodies, stilling them now, desperate to capture every last second until inevitably all of it was swiftly and immaculately recalled into one compact point of silence and we found ourselves abandoned to our accustomed exile, returned to the pretense of our separate selves.
She played two more sets, we in her audience dutifully imitating our initial enthusiasm, grateful for the continuing reprieve. I’ve said it before: reality moves so fast anymore, we’ve all become experts at self-deceit.
Folk Fest protocol is to kick everyone out around six, sweep the grounds, then ticket patrons back in for the evening concert. You wait in a cattle shoot, at least if you’re fairly close to the gate, or anywhere nearby if you’re not, until finally the loudspeakers blare a Sousa march and you grab your lawn chairs and blankets and coolers and run like hell to beat the other folkies to a premium patch of grass. Therefore it’s prudent to leave early enough to ensure you’re at the front of the return pack, and that afternoon, as usual, the knowledgeable attendees ignored the still high, unrelenting sun, ignored even the name performer just introducing himself, and started unobtrusively filtering out.
I was making my own preliminary moves when I recognized Ruth off to the right, by herself and slightly beyond the audience proper. She was rather elaborately brushing grass off her shirt, and her hair was drifting into her face as usual; her entire aspect projected excruciating self-consciousness. It was the intricate performance of a woman uncoordinated at life yet used to being watched. She was in a lacy peasant blouse that didn’t suit her big-boned frame – it was lavender, too, which didn’t help – and loose black jeans over black cowboy boots. Her attention shifted to getting the blouse centered correctly; when finally she noticed me, that man standing perfectly still and staring at her, I waved a hand over my head in greeting. I have no idea why I didn’t just avoid her.
She assumed an automatic grin but then recognized me back and her smile turned beaming, and with it she transformed herself into a reasonably attractive woman, an odd but intriguing combination of big straight white teeth, thick dirty-blond hair, low forehead, pale freckles, and a long, arched nose that enlivened her profile with an aquiline swiftness.
Behind me Crystal was standing with our blanket gathered up in a big, baby blue synthetic wad; we watched Ruth maneuver through the half-seated, half-moving spectators, visibly enduring our inspection. When she got closer you noticed the deep frown lines between her brows and realized how much older she was than you’d assumed from the juvenile posturing.
A forthright greeting to Crystal and a frankly offered hand, all fraught with the deep disdain of the intelligent, accomplished woman encountering the undeserved self-esteem of the merely lovely. To which assault Crystal responded with her typical flaccid grip and a near shrug, an implied refusal to expend any more of her precious personal energy on uninteresting shit. Ruth turned away from us, toward the stage, where an athletic-looking but otherwise unassuming man of about forty in a tired cowboy hat was inaudibly explaining a song. That duty done, she faced us again.
“This is all new to me. It’s wonderful! That dancing.” She opened her arms wide to encompass the stage, the field, and the discreetly dispersing audience. “Very Caucasian.”
Well. The cowboy strummed an acoustic guitar, meanwhile calmly examining his surroundings for concealed gunslingers. And naturally I remembered our lunch but that was months ago, so surely whatever she was babbling about then was old news, and anyway too vague to reference or be embarrassed over now.
She was brushing at her jeans for no discernable reason. “And did I tell you about Leticia Rowan?”
Just fucking typical. What about Leticia Rowan? How aggravating when I hadn’t seen Ruth for months! I knew Rowan was the night’s closing act. Meanwhile my brain was automatically playing familiar media images backed by the old uplifting refrains: that bold soprano keening from the Capitol steps, debunking the myth of American justice; the slim, avid girl of the famous photograph, perched on a stool in a Greenwich Village coffee house, radiant with the novel excitement of causing real change and living a validated life, perfectly exemplifying those decisive, glorious years of energy and faith. Today still socially engaged, as you would expect, and while no longer that wondrous sylph just as lovely in the clean bone beneath the motherly padding. But most often these days appearing during those public broadcasting fund-raisers, programs aimed at prosperous boomers eager to relive a spurious past.
“I’m introducing her tonight.”
“The hell you are.” It was such a stupid thing to say, not even remotely sustainable. Especially outrageous when you considered Ruth’s musical identity: her morning drive-time show featured one of those feel-good formats: generic soft rock interspersed with headlines, traffic, celebrity gossip, and a few carefully screened listener calls. Media hypocrisy providing a safe harbor for the harried, immature listener, all carefully friendly and slick and sympathetic and definitely never political or socially oriented when that might mean causing offense. Also never mind that Gene Shay, comfortably stout folkie radio program host from a very different station, legendary teller of truly horrendous jokes, always introduced the performers here, world without end, amen. Come on.
“Right, you know everything. I forgot. And you’re never wrong.” I suppose that was an ostensibly genial poke at my renowned erudition. I happen to think if someone asks you a question they should have the courtesy to listen to the answer.
“As it happens I’m speaking after Gene.” Gene! And she was looking repulsively self-satisfied. “I asked Leticia Rowan if I could say a few words and she agreed, for some strange reason.” Now slipping into her professional mode, that rather arch blend of certainty and faux intimacy delivered with an indelible Lina Lamont slur: cay-unt um-an-jin. Fingering the silver holy medals at her throat, a crucifix and two others piled up together on a single delicate silver chain: Jude of the impossible and the Virgin Mary.
And she fake laughed at my horrified expression and launched into what I assume was a fairly mendacious account of a reception for Women in the Media at the lovely old Bellevue, where at that sort of event there’s a rigid social hierarchy: the unfed proletariat leaning forward from chairs up on the mezzanine to watch on monitors, while the elite dine at tables down on the ballroom floor. Ruth skipped over who was speaking on what and cut straight to dessert for the privileged few, she naturally among them being her gracious public self, wandering around being affable and networking with vibrant women in suits too bright for an office and intelligent men with pampered complexions, clearly expensive slacks and jackets, and beautifully cut hair.
And there was Leticia Rowan already in town, seated comfortably in a corner behind a tortured centerpiece of bamboo and tiny orange orchids, casually chatting with a couple of intimates. So Ruth went up and offered another of those frank handshakes. “I’m truly awed.” Basically insinuating herself into the party, flipping who was honoring whom.
Then went prattling on in her practiced glib fashion about youthful idealism and her own fictitious activist past, seasoning it with ingenuous regret over her current disengaged state to smooth along the manipulation. Although this with a woman surely inured to dubious approaches? There’s something unconvincing about this I haven’t the will to investigate, but the result must hinge on Ruth’s accumulating nervous tension, the months if not years behind the coming explosion. That kind of stress sets you to performing impulsive actions and forcing unaccountable outcomes.
So in retrospect I think Ruth once again mistook a fortuitous encounter for the hand of destiny and just barged ahead. Either that, or else she fell victim to that common desire to cleave to what one professes to despise.
I was dumbfounded. “Why?”
“Oh, envy I guess. I wanted to be part of it. Of her.” Charmingly stated, her forehead furrowed in recollection. And what was I supposed to say to any of it?
Behind us the cowboy mooed through a mild dirge, disrupting nothing; around us the field was nearly empty, abandoned to the insistent sun. And Ruth was standing before me explaining too much and nothing at all, once again much too intense.
Crystal lifted a pastel spaghetti strap from a pink shoulder and raised her impudent gray eyes, looking at Ruth with that innocent expression women use to express contempt. Her private opinion of Ruth: “Nobody has to look like that.”
Crystal was another communications major and model manqué hoping to become, of all things, a personality. That ubiquitous blond hair, the pleasant features of no special distinction just slightly out of proportion, signaling another responsibly raised, college-educated harpy bereft of individuality because nature abhors individuality. But she totally emanates sex: it’s in her bones and baby face, her short upper lip and outrageous ambition. Don’t expect her to evolve, because she’ll never be other than she is. Fortunately she’s immune to jealous criticism, not being that kind of stupid. She held some kind of entry-level management job at the Center City Holiday Inn Express, an occupation that never seemed to seriously impact her real life. Crystal is her birth name.
“Thom here?” I asked.
Ruth’s husband, a frequent guest on her program as either political insider or amiable comic foil, was a local celebrity in his own right, a Philadelphia familiar, a compendium of agreeable ugliness, frightening intelligence, crooked teeth in a moist marshmallow grin, Ivy League polish, loud patterned shirts, genuine charm, horrible posture, an unrepentant gift for outrageous flattery, and an impudent, cutting wit. Outsiders considered him the epitome of Main Line class.
“He’s in Harrisburg.” Acknowledging my disquiet, looking amused for my benefit, but her eyes were shading into wariness. She pushed that uncontrollable hair from her damp forehead. “I’m running around loose today.”
And she gave me a minor, tight smile, raised a few fingers in a little goodbye salute, and strode purposefully toward the gate.
“Hunh!” Crystal said for both of us.
Festival security is handled by costumed volunteers: polite, energetic young people impersonating funky pirates or medieval wizards or just nameless creatures of purely idiosyncratic design. This clean-cut constabulary was shepherding we stragglers to the main gate with cordial efficiency, their intricate hats, adorned with oversized badges of authority, visibly bobbing over the heads of the crowd. The cowboy singer had vanished.
I stood there in the empty afternoon glare, hunting around for a rational line of thought but failing to find one. Finally, today, I have an insight: my being there that afternoon helped determine the event.
I tugged Crystal’s hand and navigated us out of the grounds, then smuggled us under the rope to a decent spot not too far back in the queue; none of the courteous people already there objected. Crystal was perking up now she could catch the scent of approaching evening, her posture opening up to opportunity, her eyes brightly observant. I ducked back under the ropes to get a couple of Cokes from a vending machine and together we waited out the forced restorative lull, letting the afternoon settle down around us, watching families in lawn chairs eat their dinner in public. At length the loudspeakers sounded and we all pushed forward through the gates and launched into the usual painfully hilarious sprint. I got us fairly far up front on the center aisle and bent over gratefully, hands to knees, while from the corner of my blurred vision I saw Crystal plop herself down and assume a mildly victimized face.
Faint applause, which had to be for the traditional bagpipe welcome; a moment later I could hear the piper myself, and then came Gene Shay with his terrible jokes. By twilight we were enduring a young bluegrass quartet of some nascent merit but an unfortunate air of artsy superiority. Then an enjoyable mambo interlude evoking romantic images out of fifties movies, and by full darkness the Jumbotron screens displayed a close-up of a frail, dedicated Canadian singer-songwriter, another totally admirable female. Insidious damp was seeping through my jeans and sweatshirt, chilling my ass. Disembodied light-sticks moved at random, children giggled, and the kindly scent of marijuana wafted by in sporadic gusts.
Crystal and I outlasted the Canadian over strawberry smoothies doctored with vodka while around us the night coalesced into a blackness that seemed physical and bulky, something you could push aside like drapes. Then came that deep yellow moon lurking behind those shit-brown clouds, making the entire universe feel unusually sentient.
Gene Shay was back with even more of those horrendous jokes, to be replaced by a middle-aged dignitary in a blazer over jeans, quietly defiant.
“We are the light of truth, the truth the capitalists and the banks and the conglomerates want forgotten. But we’re still here, still burning bright through the darkness.” So he said, that sure of the personal politics of these many music lovers who could afford to share his opinion. Declaiming thus in an understated but confident bass, Main Line meets simple country boy to produce unfaltering self-respect. Positions shuffled onstage and there was Gene Shay back, leaning sideways into the standing mike to signal brevity.
“And now let’s talk about one particular brilliant candle shining through the darkness, brighter than almost any other, one of the iconic voices of an era of real social change: the inimitable Leticia Rowan.” Grinning back offstage as if to a good friend, as maybe she was. “And just to underline how special this really is, we have an additional guest, because Philly’s very own Ruth Askew is going to provide us a more personal introduction.”
There was a kind of group shrug but nothing worrisome.
A further positional dance, the screens displaying indistinct blobs and random emptiness, and finally there was Ruth behind the microphone. We observed her taking us in: waving lights skittering over dull shapes, anticipatory shifts and murmurs, and a few people in motion pausing on their way somewhere to see if it was worth the wait. Magnified, she looked brutally plain, with noticeable lines around her mouth and those disproportionately large, disturbingly vulnerable blue eyes.
And she just stood there, absolutely rigid, until we all paid complete attention. I think she was overwhelmed by pure contempt, that it confounded her ability to speak, so instead she spat at us.
When everyone instinctively recoiled, as you can imagine, but now she was past that initial paralysis. More, she was beyond pretense, out in the wild ether, and we could actually see the hubris. We instinctively coalesced into a tight defensive silence.
“That’s for all you virtue thieves.” She’d struck this theatrical posture of aggressive confidence, all very square and speaking directly down to us. “But unfortunately for you, we’ve reached the end of righteousness. No more hiding from consequences and calling yourself good.
It’s almost over, but I hope you see how excruciating it was. I’m sorry to have to assault your sensibilities with this shit but we were all squirming in unforgivable embarrassment and you should understand.
“Time is nothing but an endless separating away from absolutes, and every truth, every virtue chosen comes at a cost. Now we see everything, everywhere, and we’re beginning to understand that it’s only about choosing the right wrong, the correct truth.”
To be fair, isn’t every great religion or even philosophy just as impossibly childish? And here’s something else: she was handing us a diagram of her own psyche and circumstances, issuing a perfectly clear warning that went ignored simply because it was way too obvious. Because this is, after all, a story about stupidity, where everything is fucking clear if you simply pay attention.
Ruth put a hand to the mike, still keeping that confident posture.
“This is the next great evolutionary leap. This is unimaginable freedom. This is how we become more like God.”
Just at that moment, the words flown, the energy abating, I could sense her dawning comprehension of the enormity of her situation. She looked to her side for something or someone, but then she sent a little nod out to us, to the compact, alert darkness.
“Then to the elements be free, and fare thou well!”
That’s Prospero, retiring his magic and releasing the slave-spirit Ariel at the end of The Tempest.
But Ruth stayed out there, holding that same strong, taut pose until a calm Gene Shay was suddenly present and gently thanking her from the stage, sending us a tolerant nod while herding her aside. And there at last was the great Leticia Rowan herself, that vast, benign goddess in a golden caftan, smiling an unrestrained country smile, exuding inexhaustible strength and kindness. Clearly decent people, both of them.
Ruth was barely visible now, but I saw her turn to take a final glance back at us, her face momentarily revealed on the giant screens. Terrified of course, but then terror is her resting state. And still insolent, and even smug.
Photo credits: Montgomery County Planning Commission, Hammocks at the Philadelphia Folk Festival (CC BY-SA 2.0) / all others by Michael Stokes (CC BY 2.0)
The last days of March and I am in between, and waiting. If there’s a sentient universe it’s uninterested in me these days, it’s not taking my calls. Maybe it’s shut down. The corny signs of spring, the greening and robins and daffodils pushing through, showed on schedule but then everything seemed to slow down, and now it’s as if the entire world is drifting in some amorphous limbo. Nothing matters because caring is too exhausting. My new novel-to-be has an outline but I’m not ready to write yet, I just don’t happen to feel like it. I write to play, and playing requires a lot of freedom and transgression, it has to be embarrassing.
There’s a bike path along the river near my home, and I’ve been walking it this weekend, watching the rest of the world, snapping some photos, and letting my mind roam around anywhere.
I read a piece on Slate this week about Toni Morrison, by Namwali Serpell. Morrison’s a difficult writer; I too feel the reader should take part in the book, should never be pandered to. I too know there should be space for questions, for options. One difference is that she’s good. I loved Sula and Beloved and even Jazz, although that last seemed to me devoid of the major idea I take from Morrison: the strength of community. A strong community can laugh away the devil. Or sing it away as in the musical Carousel, even if it only has a trite school song to work with. Morrison has spoken of her own family laughing in the face of despair. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, too, laughs at the devil. An expression of invincible integrity.
I should reread Beloved but I’ve fallen into a Bukowski phase, starting with Pulp, which is awful. I mean, I can pull something out of it about old Hollywood dying along with its literary tropes but I won’t because the book is too boring. So now Hollywood and checking it against the Wikipedia entry on Barfly, playing who’s who, with Mickey Rourke and even Faye Dunaway not coming off especially well, never mind the insane business side. But the ghetto scenes are terrific! It’s fun enough and sharp as hell, with that polite, gently humorous distance you get in some books about serious drinkers, The Thin Man for instance, with Sarah playing the usual female foil. A very mid-century vibe, or even earlier. There’s a brief meeting with Mailer, both of them happy to be fighting the good fight against feminism, but even so I could fall into the Bukowski poems. Anyway I needed a fiction break after consuming Merchants of Truth, and I have to write something serious about that book and the news business someday soon. Ditto AI and the legal trade.
Bukowski talks about unknown civilizations, barflies for instance, and it occurred to me that I know a few of those. Something to think about, maybe develop.
One thing: why is there a martini on the cover? I’m halfway through and so far it’s been nothing but wine and beer. Lots of wine, gallons of wine, continuing infusions of red, red wine.
Here’s a weird thing: I just this year ran through the Eve Babitz canon. You never hear of a place your entire life and suddenly you spend a season between Musso and Frank’s and the Chateau Marmont, reading this real life as fiction stuff.
Meanwhile the brain’s at rest. I haven’t seen a movie, I mean to really see it, since the Oscars. I maxed out, but maybe now I’m up to it again. It’s a lot to undertake, though. A lot of directed passion.
Soon, I hope.
(UPDATE: I ended up taking the train into the city to see Ash Is Purest White. There is only so much I’m able to forgive a woman, even if she is an analogy, when she’s involved with an obvious narcissist. She needed to strangle the dude. Otherwise a superb vision of rapidly mutating China. So my movie mojo is returning, after all.
Going and coming home I took some photos from through the train window. I think this is the start of a series.)
SALES PITCH: The Reader Alert for Worthy remains up on the Home page, so check it out, along with the Prologue on the Excerpts page. The Kindle sale, alas, has ended.